So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
