she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
