these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
