So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
