found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
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