Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
