Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
