i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
