I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
