A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
