You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
