Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
