im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Randomize
