apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
