I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
