you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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