Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
