Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
