I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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