Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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