bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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