my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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