Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
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