made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
