I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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