she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
