Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
