so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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