If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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