We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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