dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Randomize
