just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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