DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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