One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
