you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Randomize