i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I'm passing your future prison.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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