I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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