i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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