I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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