Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Randomize
