If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
