At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize