Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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