dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
