Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
