pop tarts are not kleenex
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
