hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
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