you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize