I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
