I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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