I think I just saw someone hide a body.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
even my farts smell like vagina
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
