He asked to "fluff my boner.."
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
May the power of my ass compel you!!
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
