her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
