He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
