Three words: puerto rican gang bang
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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