It's Friday. Sex?
what day is it and did you see me today?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Randomize
