guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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