Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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