WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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