Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
