Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
