You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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