If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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