a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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